My First Love-Kendra Williams

My First Love

I remember my first love.

Love is the nubian chocolate bar of my mother’s skin.

Her smooth shade overshadows the shadows of her rough heart.

My mother’s smile is perfection, the only thing that’s aligned in her life.

As I grow older these teeth tell stories her mouth won’t dare speak.

The glimmer of the white starts to show light,

My mother and I, we look nothing alike.

She is dark, I am brown, her nose is smaller, my chin, her eyebrows, we are different.

Yet, she tells me I am beautiful, that I am loved.

So she holds me tight.

So tight my bones can’t breathe, suffocating in the toxins of love.

Trying to save me from her own demons promising she would never let go.

I thought this was normal

I didn’t realize her body deteriorated at 16 that her innocence was stolen from her.

I never understood why when crawling into her room from a nightmare she’d awaken with a scream.

Reliving her own nightmare over and over

I never understood why her body stiffened when uncle's visit us

The only men she trusts are my father and her father.

Mom, tears stain your cheeks like merlot does to white carpets

The shaking isn’t stopping

You’re screaming, “God, why aren’t you working. I know you’re not a magic eight ball but give me something, because the pain is no longer concealable.”

I don’t know what to say so I say nothing at all

But our silence seems to linger and have conversations on its own

I try to listen

I remember my first love she was beautiful, she was strong, she was my mother

So I hold her even tighter.

Kendra C. Williams